


I won't leave you

by notjustalittlegirl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:17:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7468686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustalittlegirl/pseuds/notjustalittlegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murphy has a nightmare about his hanging. Bellamy tries to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I won't leave you

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been lingering around in my head for a while and I decided to finally write it. 
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.  
> I do not own Murphy, Bellamy or The 100.

    _He felt the rope around his neck, choking him. His feet were kicking, trying desperately to save himself. His eyes overflowed with heavy tears from both the extreme pain and the complete terror of the knowledge that he was really dying, and especially from the betrayal. How could Bellamy do this to him, how could Bellamy let this happen? Bellamy said he loved him._

Murphy jolted bolt upright, terror filling his mind and tears he didn’t even know he was shedding rolling down his cheeks. His forehead was soaked with a cold sweat. He knew, rationally, where he was. He was at home in his bed, lying next to his boyfriend. But he was still afraid, he didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to be in pain anymore.

    Murphy fell limply back onto his already damp pillow and kept sobbing, holding onto the blankets to try and obtain a sense of safety and security. Next to him, Murphy felt Bellamy stir and roll over, awoken by his boyfriend’s motion. His voice when he spoke was drowsy, and he seemed to still be half asleep. “M’ph? You ‘wake?”

    Murphy whimpered and buried his head in his arms, trying to hide and still crying. Bellamy sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He noticed Murphy’s obvious distress, and knew that something was amiss when he saw the tearstains on his boyfriend’s side of the bed.  

    “Murph, babe, what’s wrong?”

    Murphy’s voice when he responded to Bellamy’s question was trembling with fear. “I was back there again! It h-hurt more than what the g-grounders did. B-because it was you!”

    Bellamy was wide awake at these words, knowing exactly what his boyfriend was referring to. The time that the delinquents had hung Murphy and told Bellamy to kick the crate out from underneath the boy he loved. To keep control of the people, he had. That day was Bellamy’s biggest regret.

    He tried to comfort Murphy, his mind reeling with guilt. “Shh, baby. You’re safe. You’re in bed with me, and I’m never going to hurt you again, love. Can I hold you?”

    Murphy nodded desperately, and Bellamy instantly wrapped his boyfriend in a hug, stroking his hair and letting him sob into his bare shoulder. “You betrayed me. You didn’t d-defend me!”

    Bellamy felt his heart break at his boyfriend’s tears. It was a rare thing for Murphy to let anyone see him cry, even Bellamy. He always felt so helpless when Murphy was in such a state, especially since it often came when he was overwhelmed by memories, memories that Bellamy could do nothing to change. All he could do was try and comfort him.

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much.”

    Murphy’s tears slowed down, eventually stopping. After several minutes of rocking him back and forth, the same way he had done for Octavia when she was upset as a little girl, Bellamy kissed Murphy’s hair.

    “Are you ready to talk about it, Murph?”

    Murphy nodded slowly, his shaggy hair falling over his tearstained face. “I had a n-nightmare about the day you hung me.”

    Bellamy swallowed, his thoughts about what had made Murphy upset confirmed, and tried to think of the words to say to comfort him. He had apologized over and over for his terrible betrayal of the younger man. Murphy had said that he forgived him, and Bellamy believed him, but was still wracked with guilt he knew he would never be able to completely shake over the pain Murphy had suffered because of him.  

    “Oh, baby. You’re safe here. I’m never going to hurt you. It’s okay, I’m so sorry.”

    “I’m so sick of having nightmares! They’re never going to go away! They make me weak!”

    Impossibly, Bellamy’s heart broke even further. Murphy’s thoughts on his nightmares reminded him of what he had told Charlotte, so long ago, about her nightmares. The words that had ended up getting Murphy hurt and Charlotte killed.  

    He couldn’t fix what had happened to Charlotte. He couldn’t fix what had happened to the love of his life. The most he could do was say something different this time.

    “No, Murph. They do _not_ make you weak. The fact that you have survived them makes you strong! And, even if they never go away, I’ll be here for you. You’ll never have to deal with them alone. And I’m so sorry, because all of this is my fault.”

    Murphy shook his head. “But then I hurt people. I hurt everyone, I hurt you! I’m the one who should be sorry!”

    “Oh, no, baby. We both hurt each other, so badly. But I love you, and I promise that we can get through it. We love each other, and we can forgive each other. I forgive you, Murphy. I forgave you a long time ago.”

    Bellamy had never been emotional. He had never shown this side of him, the side that cared, to anyone except Octavia. And then he’d met Murphy. The boy had brought out the side of him that could show love to anyone except his sister. He was still routinely amazed by how much loving Murphy had changed him, and how much he loved him.

    Some of the things he said to Murphy were so sappy that could not believe he was saying them when they came out of his mouth. Yet he meant every word.

    “I forgive you too, Bell. I just can’t forget it. It hurt so much, I can’t.”

    Bellamy hugged Murphy close to him again. “I know, love. You’re safe with me now. I swear. We can get through this.”

    Murphy kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms around his neck. “I know. And I love you too. I always have.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was so sappy, I'm sorry.  
> I am Murphamy trash.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
